Womens Fashion By Joanne Louise

I was engrossed in a conversation last night about growth ….I’m not talking about size I’m talking about a person growing in spirit to the point where they can feel themselves flying inside.. Its a feeling that each one of us are special, that whatever you set out to do you can achieve, a feeling of such happiness its unsurpassed, a feeling that your souls flying inside totally uplifted and free..Being totally connected with your spiritual side and able to feel, experience and enjoy everything there is in life to feel without worrying ……I had a friend round last night and out came the wine, i wouldn’t normally drink it but i actually felt i wanted to try it, so its a first for me, so 2 bottles later we stumbled on this conversation and Ive now discovered i actually do like wine …

It holds many powerful meanings,

Yet we all search for it….

What is a soul mate…..

and how do we know if we’ve met ours…….

Its our search for the other half of one’s soul, complete compatibility, for which all our souls are driven to find …

Ive been in love with a guy I would have done anything for, we shared so much together and connected in so many ways but in some ways sadly we didn’t…

it was the love and lust thing, but nothing further

I didn’t feel safe with him, which only a woman can understand… i believe, its a word women whisper to each other, as we all know exactly what it means ..

Safety, security comes when you can feel so close to a person you trust them completely, you trust their words if they tell you not to worry and feel security when they are beside you, as this person also brings you strength, whatever happens if you need them they are there, unconditionally…

I didn’t have those feelings, i had the love and passion, but not the trust or belief in him….

Searching for our ’soul mate’ means we search for someone who is compatible in every way, some people believe all men and women have their duplicate opposite… someone who shares the same soul, whether there is one person or if there could be more than one…i cant say…

we walk through life day to day, searching for that person who understands us without explanation, hears without words, who we feel without touching….. he or she, is out there…

There is a belief that some souls are literally made to be our mates, for us both to play an important role in each others’ lives… sometimes we cant explain strong connections to people we just know they are there, so who are we to argue history….

These souls are thought to have created a connection in a past life and have chosen this lifetime to help each other heal …

How do we know when we meet them? and how do we know if its them? it is as they say…
you just know …..

The feelings have to be two sided, its no good you believing some guy is your soul mate and stalking the poor fella to death, when he doesn’t feel anything for you, except you should be locked up..lol

It has to a mutual feeling from inside out….. so we mustn’t get confused here, its a love that goes beyond just love , and a feeling this person completes us..

Its like music sometimes we all hear songs we feel ‘must have been written for us’ cutting words that sink so deep, right to the core of our very soul’s..
this person does the same for us in all areas, its someone we feel we’ve known all our lives, who understands us, you feel totally comfortable around them, that never have to be anything except yourself with…

I watch every morning an elderly couple pass my house, every day they are there dead on 8 holding hands to fetch the morning paper, the love these guys have makes my eyes well up, for years they walk past, yet every day is like their first, i have no doubts they are true soul mates, just way they look at each other, makes the day a brighter one for me..

So whether we can all get to feel the same is down to us, it may be a case of luck or indeed fate, but whatever comes, never give up the belief theres someone out there made for you, i spent 9 years with a guy who abused me physically & mentally yet every night when i went to sleep i never lost hope..

I wanted my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me, away from all the pain, from the miserable life i had, but knew he was out there somewhere, i just had to find the confidence to free myself up and hope he would find me….

But regardless to whether he would come, it was the hope that made me strong, it gave me that ray of light that i would get up, bath and try to be the best i could, just in case is was today i met him…. and as strange as that sounds it worked…

So if you do or don’t believe that person is out there for you, bury your beliefs and look at it as your ray of light..

A little hope that just might grow into something life changing……….

Soul Mate …

If you have found a smile
that is the sweetest one you’ve known,
If you have heard, within a voice, the echoes of your own,
If you have felt a touch, that stirs, the longings of your heart,
And still can feel that closeness, in the moments you’re apart,
If you have filled with wonder, at the way two lives can blend
To weave a perfect pattern, that is seamless, end to end,
If you believe some things in life, are simply meant to be,
Then you have found your soul mate,
your heart’s own destiny…..

By Joanne xxx

What a journey ive been through so far ……….
Ive had so many feelings emotions and experiences its untrue, but all that make me know i am today ….

I seemed to have crammed in an emotional roller coaster and learnt so much by negative things trying to look positively at them and changing my future ……..

Some experiences bring back feelings we try all to suppress
Before i was lucky enough to meet the good people i have in my life now, i had my share of bad ones…

……My diary…..Joannes true story
Today i had a visitor ……… a non invited guest …
totally out of the blue ……… an old long term partner ( and ill use the words carefully here)i just stood there speechless (which is unusual) ……. and its just about finished the week off nicely ….          
Instead of his usual ‘babes’ manner as he used to call me … he used my name ! i didn’t realise he knew it, after all id only been with him 9 years and came to ask my advice !!! yes honestly………
Not many people surprise me, they may do at first but the novelty usually wears off when i discover my people skills have been totally mislead again , but today i have been surprised…….. by myself …..            
There sat a man who i used to be terrified of , i would hear his keys in the door and disappear into my inside shell, back to puppet mode, as i knew whatever i said or did would be wrong,
   
So it was just a matter of waiting for it to come, which it did … its no use arguing it would just make the anger worse so you would hope he would be drunk enough to pass out or miss, its not a nice thing to talk about i know, but too many people are scared to say what happens………. I’m not ……….what makes a man want to physically beat a woman, what kind of feel good factor does it give them, in all the years i knew him he never once had a go at a bloke ? i was walking down a road with him once after work and this chap coming from another direction came towards us, he must have known tom (that’s what ill call him) as when he got to him he spat straight at him…… id never seen this chap before, but tom had !
He was now living with toms last ex girlfriend before me … and no doubt had strong feelings towards him.
I didn’t say a word i carried on walking, and without a word muttered we went home quietly until we entered the door, i can remember trying to hit back then nothing more, waking up in a hospital bed with a damaged kidney , broken arm and ribs, black n blue in so much pain , but not knowing what the hell happened? or why ….. 
I was told his friend had came to visit and i was passed out in a pool of blood with him sitting there staring, drinking black coffee …. he hadn’t rang an ambulance id been there a while ..

He never visited me for weeks in hospital , his guilt (or lack of it) wouldn’t allow him to see what he’d done,this happened on many occasions and i went through several sessions of counseling from nice ladies all trying to help me so i would leave him,everybody could see what was happening i was definitely hitting a downward spiral in life, and felt i couldn’t get out, he always said he’d kill me if i left and i believed him.I later found out this had also happened earlier with violence against his last ex girlfriend who just happened to be carrying his unborn child…

I was lucky in that manner at least and had the sense not to go down that road, it would have meant being tied to him for life….
It took me a long time to grow and understand why i was with him and build enough strength to get away, 2 years after i left him he was still hounding me daily and drove over me in a car park, when i did eventually start to venture outside ………. why ?
Why after all that time did he not move on and build his life with another doormat !! he had one at the ready !! it was loss of control ……………… his control …….. of me …

Its not as easy as people think to leave when you have nothing left of yourself , you feel you deserve everything , its your fault somehow ….life has a way of making us turn into who we’re supposed to be, I’m still growing into that person, i always hoped was in there, and I’m enjoying every minute of it ………today there he sat in tears ! but instead of hating him i felt so very sorry for him………

He hasn’t found his way in life,never will , so frustrated he goes round in circles making the same mistakes time after time……loosing his control of what he seeks to control …            

The fact that he doesn’t know what he does wrong , astounds me …..

Here sits a man who cant possibly measure up in a mans world, so he picks the weaker physical sex to measure up to, the fact that he can hurt, push and demand what he wants makes him feel more powerful, like the man he always wanted to be and cant…
as in a mans world hell never measure up .. hes weak pathetic and totally lost, sooner or later his women get stronger by how hes treats them and he looses ……..

You get to that turning point that there is nothing left in you and its then your time to decide which way you want to go, do you really want to die at his hands … you honestly believe there is no life left for you … you just hope …………

You couldn’t be more wrong, if you could see what i could see today, you would think again ….
I saw one clear thing from him  ……… a broken weak old man ..

All the things i wanted to ask i didn’t, and instead of getting upset , i gained strength by the minute, although what was past is past, but if i could help him see what he does, it may just help someone else ? …………wrong ! ………. he doesn’t listen , he wont change …

He cant get over the fact of who i am now, i got the , you didn’t look like that when we were together !! correct … i was a punchbag most of the time never allowed to wear a skirt , makeup or have any kind of mind of my own …. i was what he turned me into …a shell ….

He still doesn’t understand that , …………. some people never learn …

He was a real looker when i met him, and youth made me look on the outside not where it mattered as on the inside this man was so ugly, no compassion, no guilt , no love …….. nothing except himself and his need to control …. he would pick us young, fresh to mould into what he’d make us, with no opinions …..this was a man i was so scared of, yet today i sat with him without fear in fact i wanted to punch his lights out, but i will not hold hate, remorse and bitterness like so many do … or that would make me ugly inside ………

So Ive learned from what i experienced and have learnt many good qualities inside myself from it …

You have to respect a partner and help that person grow and love them for what they grow into, the more you put into that person the more you gain …he carries no respect for anyone and thinks the world owes him a life …living with a violent partner does take away everything inside, your self respect, confidence, and personality, it ends up always with the same results … the victim feels worthless and becomes unwanted to them so continue a life of misery and fear never for filling what they are here to do, enjoy life, or they fight back and end up using violence to protect themselves and rebel, when they get to this stage they have the strength to get away, they just need help …….
its not just women that get hit, just as many men suffer the same effects            
 

But you have to really look inside yourself and ask yourself something ?

Nobody gives a person the right to put themselves higher than you, we are all equal here….
You have to find it within yourself to grab your life and live it to the full without violence and fear everyday, theres only nothing left when you give up……so don’t ………
You only get one life to live , so live it for yourself …….
if you meet someone else , make sure you are together because you want to be, not because no one else would want you …….
There really is life outside to what you think , its a different life, with no fear ……….
just to be able to wake up smiling , longing to breathe in every bit of it ……..

We don’t know how long we’ve got here, so you have to experience as much as you can, and enjoy every step … just like the leaves on the trees it can blow away tomorrow ……..

Some like tom will walk round and round in circles blaming everything except what is to blame … themselves …
But what goes around definitely comes around and watching him made me realise …… life will hand him exactly what he deserves a life of loneliness ……

I’m so glad i didn’t give up believing ……. I’m making my life one i want to remember now …….

Yesterdays don’t matter, and there is no tomorrow …………….. its today what counts….

Start counting for you ……… enjoy every second ………. its your life ……….

Written by Joanne from the heart xxx

lol…… I know im blonde but am i turning into Dr dolittle or something…..

For the past few weeks at work we’ve had foxes, rabbits and all sorts of creatures coming to visit…

This morning my nanny rings and asks me what shopping i need (she always gets me odds and ends on a thursday and goes to my house to see Sandra) so i order salad and a chicken for tea as imgoing my fitness test at 6… sounds ok, the normal thing to order right…

Well i pulled into work and guess what sits there on the steps….. lol

A chicken !! hehehe

Hes so friendly but doesnt want to go home….. (and keeps pecking my nails) i thought it was the husband that got henpecked ..hehe

Weve fed it broad beans and ran up the road to buy it corn and now hes following me about everywhere ! bless it even tried to get in the toilet with me (you hear about 2 birds in loos together what they get up to)mmmmmmm

I went outside with a cuppa and the silly thing tries to sit on my lap… what is going on here, am i running a farm…….. lol

The postman came with the mail and instead of a wiggle today, in behind him walks the chicken into my office.. he obviously wants a job badly..lol

Anyway ive asked the chickens permission to use the photos and hes happy, so will now take over the modelling job for me, its definately skinnier than me and says it can do the job standing on one leg….lol (see photo)

It makes me think about all this diet lark, see how scrawny a bird can look if she doesnt look after herself properly….hehe

Anyway please let me introduce Vinny.. our new j-lou model and Jos new best friend ..

Theres no way i can go home tonight now and eat chicken salad…………

update…
We went back out for our lunch but he had gone, left us to just our lonely selves… ive got no friends you know….

So upset as i was, i just thought id try calling him (not that i expected a chicken to answer to the name Vinny)

But he did !!! (no … hes a blonde too jokes here …..please)

And he comes running round the corner head proudly in the air………..and has brought his friend !! see he didnt do a runner, he likes me and just went to tell his friend about the friendly blonde thats stupid enough to sit there and feed him her dinner !

So after we fed them all our lunch, they are happily snuggled up on the steps and have gone to sleep…

Ahhh…

Im just praying my fox doesnt turn up for tea now..lol

Last night was the long awaited salsa dancing lessons.. yes
For anyone who knows me knows i love to dance, either pole dancing, disco,ballroom anything goes, especially if ive had a vodka, I grew up loving music and its the biggest part of my life along with my kids..

Estelle (That lovely girl who answers the j-lou phone to you all) dragged me out early so we also went along to an egyptian dance class (belly dancing) before the salsa class, it was brilliant.
I havent got much in the hip department so its a little harder to try and wiggle it..lol but i had a good go and it must done some good as i ache everywhere today, but in a good way !

I woke up feeling like a bottle of pop today so intent to make the office a fantastic place to be in, ive made the postman jump did a little wiggle for him (or he wouldnt give me the mail) and started the day with a huge smile..

Theres something so sexy about salsa, the way the body uses the beat to move it just oozes sex appeal, the older i get the more the itch got worse so i had to get in that class, its timless you can dance at any age and this classic i think is the best thing since sliced bread..

if you havent watched the Bailamos video, get into the music section here in our blog and see if it makes your feet and body start to wiggle, i cant sit still when im listening to music and what better way to get and stay fit…its also something you do with your partner, if you havent got one, get along to a class youll get one who will already have something in common and enjoy meeting new people..

Im going to start posting every week what happens in the class and try to pass on some helpful hints as i learn, ill also pop some photos in to show you how we are doing..

You dont need a partner most classes like ours ask you to move round the room dancing with everyone, so its a great way to socialise and interact with people naturally…

Dancing goes back through the ages, theres something everyone will enjoy, and it lifts the spirit at the same time..

Theres no excuses for you saying you cant dance and have two left feet, theres bound to be someone there with two right ones to help out, my fellas used that excuse for years and ive dragged him into the class..lol

Mind you there was a stunning latino looking women there last night who was beautiful, even i couldnt stop looking at her and my fellas face when she partnered him was a picture…

So i bet he’ll be there early next week….lol

We need more men to come forward and try this, you wont be the only guy there but its so much better if the man leads and not a woman trying to be the guy, so if youre reading this and think..mmmm  i wouldnt mind trying, why not come along and try..

We feel just as awkward to walk in a class, but swallow your pride and give it a go, once youve been to one class it does wonders for your confidence, i would now feel comfortable enough to go by myself happily….

Love Jo xxx