Womens Fashion By Joanne Louise

WWW.J-LOU.COM

It starts with sex
In fact, it ends with sex too. Yes, yes, you have to like him of course you do! But if the sex isn’t good, you can work really hard at it and give it some time but ultimately it might never get any better. That could be bad or it may not be that important to you.

For many relationships, it’s the glue that binds everything else together, and whether it’s working or not is generally a good indicator of what is happening in the relationship.

Be scrupulous about this part of your relationship - is this the man you want to spend the rest of your sex life with? Does he do it for you? Does he like what you like and vice versa? 

 

Up close and personal
You should have this one in the bag early on. It’s a good starting point for finding out if he’s the one. Let’s face it, your friends have seen you through the bad heartbreaks, they know your good points and your really bad ones too. They know what is good for you.

Test the waters by inviting him out for drinks with your closest friends. Try to overcome any anxiety that they won’t like him and stand back: let them ask questions, engage him in conversation, find out who he is.

This is a good scenario for finding out how he handles the pressure, what he reveals about himself and how everyone gels. Getting feedback from everyone can help you to figure out how you feel and what matters most to you. Mostly it’s a matter of instinct. Don’t panic if there isn’t immediate chemistry, some things take time. But if a lot of your friends are uneasy about him, you might want to take note. 

 

Meeting the family
Okay, just because your family LOVE your man it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the one. But it is a good indicator because your family are the ones who know you best. So, if you want to throw him into the deep end, invite him into the family home for a lunch or dinner. If you feel like this is too much to handle, maybe organise a meeting at a favourite, relaxed restaurant - neutral territory if you will.

Again, this can be a good way to find out how much everyone likes each other and you can sit back a bit and see how he responds to your family. You know your mother is difficult, you know your family don’t have a lot of money, your sister has just got out of rehab - how does he handle all these things? And does he still feel the same way about you afterwards? 

 

Those annoying little habits
So, you move in together. Do you STILL like him? You didn’t know he was touchy about letting you see his bank statements or that he hides porn in the bottom drawer. And he had no idea how much you hated cleaning.

Start asking some questions and finding out the answers too. Does he mind when you steal food from his plate? Does he still love you when you look your worst? When you are stranded somewhere late at night does he come pick you up - even though he has to be at work early the next day?

The underlying deal here is whether you feel loved and accepted. This works both ways. Do you accept the times when he comes home drunk after a night out with the boys? Do you accept the times when he’s stressed about work and doesn’t stop talking about it? It?s for-better-or-for-worst, without signing any papers. 

 

The M Word
This one’s a biggie. A good test of whether he’s right for you is if he wants the same things as you and that includes getting MARRIED. Maybe you want to or maybe you don’t. You have to know fairly early on in the relationship (if everything else feels good), whether or not he’s on the same long-term wavelength.

Sometimes it’s tricky to bring this up when you are both busy at work during the week when you’re both tired and stressed. Of course there is no really ideal time but pick your moment. Sometimes big conversations can go the wrong way because the timing is bad. Maybe use an article you’ve read on the subject to initiate the conversation. He’ll know it’s coming at some point, but may be afraid to bring it up himself.

Pay attention to how the conversation progresses - if you do want the same thing, done deal; if there?s room to negotiate, that’s not so bad; if you disagree - well, you need to do some serious rethinking. 

 

The C Word
If the M word is difficult, the C Word is positively scary. That’s right: CHILDREN. The same situation applies - choose your moment carefully before broaching the subject and try to have some idea about how you feel about it and if there’s room for manoeuvre.

If you both agree that you want children make sure you both know what that means. Be careful that he’s not just playing along to keep the peace by asking for complete honesty. If he’s holding back you may feel the backlash when you are ready to start a family.

Of course, things change: maybe you end up choosing your career, maybe he doesn’t want the responsibility. But it’s crucial to have a shared vision from the beginning. 

 

What are you waiting for?
If your man fulfils all the big things on your wish list then snap him up!

If you’re not sure or you’re pretty certain he’s not the one for the long haul, be honest with yourself. It’s scary, but true: it’s never too late to start again 

http://www.j-lou.com/section/0/fashion-jumpers/new-womens-fashion